How to Stay Stressed
1. Never exercise - Exercise wastes a lot of time that could be spent worrying.
2. Eat anything you want - Hey, if cigarette smoke can't clean your system, a balanced diet won't do it, either!
3. Take plenty of stimulants - The old standards will do fine: caffeine, nicotine, sugar and cola.
4. Avoid practices that are "Out There" - Ignore evidence that meditation, yoga, deep breathing and mental imaging help to reduce stress.
5. Get rid of your social support system - Let the few friends who are willing to tolerate you know that you see friends only if you have time.
6. Personalize all criticism - Anyone who criticizes any aspect of your work, family, dog, house or car, is mounting personal attack. Be offended and then return the attack!
7. Throw out your sense of humor - Staying stressed is no laughing matter, and should not be tolerated.
8. Males and females alike: Be macho - Never ask for any help. If you want it done right, do it yourself!
9. Become a workaholic - Vacations are for weenies! Put work before everything else, and be sure to take work home evenings and weekends.
10. Discard good time management skills - Schedule more activities every day than you can possibly get done, then worry about it.
11. Procrastinate - Put things off until the last second. You thrive on the pressure.
12. Worry about things you can't control.
13. Become a perfectionist and set impossibly high standards - Then beat yourself up and feel guilty, discouraged and inadequate when you don't meet them.
14. Get up late every morning and be in a hurry - Don't prepare anything the night before.
15. Select clothes that are uncomfortable.
16. Always rely on your memory - Lists are for losers.
17. Always say Yes!
18. Prepare meals that require a lot of pots, pans, and dishes, and then leave them.
19. Don't take time out for yourself - Nobody else likes you; why should you?